Gratitude in the face of crisis
My thanks while anticipating surgery
It is my favorite time of year with the crisp and cool air and spectacular colors. As I prepare for Thanksgiving, I'm reminded of all the things for which I am grateful. Since the pandemic started, I have been cultivating a meditation and gratitude practice. However, instead of preparing a Thanksgiving menu and calculating how many family members can responsibly sit at our table, I am trying to figure out how to plan for brain surgery. Yep, it’s definitely not the holiday season I had anticipated.
Several weeks ago, I was told that a small brain tumor who I had called “my little friend,” was no longer harmless and had to go. All of the exercises in gratitude that I had cultivated throughout the year vanished and instead I felt a mixture of self-pity, fear and anxiety.
In an effort to stabilize my fear, I took several steps that were motivated by self-preservation. But ironically, as I plunged headlong into each activity, what emerged was… gratitude.
Here are top things I am grateful for:
#1 My body - I dedicated more time and effort to nurture the vessel that holds my mind and spirit. I committed to a 60-day pre-surgery cleanse of no alcohol, no meat, and a lovely morning ritual of meditation, breathing, music and movement. It’s been magical!
#2 Knowledge - I am hugely grateful for discovering the tumor. Ironically, I had volunteered for a women’s Alzheimer’s clinical trial that resulted in the discovery. If I hadn’t volunteered, I could have spent years of cognitive decline without knowing the cause. I’m grateful for life’s journey of surprises, ironies and maybe something bigger at play.
#3 Beauty - Having a crisis and spending time in nature has been a powerful anti-depressant! I believe the awe of Mother Nature is a huge reminder that life is larger than ourselves.
#4 - Friends and family - This is probably a given for many of you—but not for someone who tends to isolate during stressful situations. Instead, I am trying to embrace vulnerability and accept the love and support of friends and family. It’s hard to fight a lifetime of past behaviors, but boy it’s worth it! I feel very loved and cared for—and it feels pretty darn good.
What I am realizing is that all roads lead to gratitude. It is wonderful to be appreciative for all that is good when life is good. But the power of gratitude is most powerful when we are challenged. 2020 has been challenging for all of us, but it is in these times that our ability to see grace, find joy and count our blessings can carry us through to a calmer tomorrow.
I will be taking a medical leave from RevelEleven for the next couple of months to focus on my recovery. I am grateful to our RevelEleven community. I would welcome your positive energy flowing my way!
With gratitude and best wishes during the holidays,
Monica