Three Tips for Honest Sex

by Joanie Parsons

There is no doubt that we are all looking for more intimacy. But what does it take to build connection and more passion into our relationships?

I had the opportunity to talk with Shana James, who has been a relationship coach for the last 20 years, and has a new book out called, Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive.  

As I read through Shana’s book, and then as we talked during our RevelEleven event, it became clear that one of the core elements of a successful relationship is self-awareness.  

Our past, of course, influences our present. How we are in relationships, what triggers us and keeps us distant from having a great connection. Looking at ourselves takes vulnerability, the ability to look deeply inside and to understand our true selves. Once we can identify where the core issue comes from, we can share the pain or hurt with our partners and share a deep insight about ourselves. What does that do? It creates profound intimacy because it peels away the layers of armor and we get to the core of our desires.  

WOW - talk about an Aha Moment! 

 So here are three fundaments of deeper intimacy and better sex. (Shana lists more in the book.) 

              Fundamental 1: Be on the Same Team: Tit for tat doesn’t work. Try on: the perspective that wins for a partner can be a win for you too.

              Fundamental 2: Differences Can Bring You Closer – Opposites attract - but down the road those differences can be the biggest irritations. Try on: having a conversation about the difference that has caused the frustration. Speak from your heart so you can celebrate each others’ needs.  

              Fundamental 3: Assume the Best About Each Other Rather than the Worst – Assuming the worst is imagining negative intentions for someone’s actions. Try on: assuming the best.  

I’ve had so many relationships fraught with angst, until I met the person that I’m with today. I feel that we practice many of the teachings of this book and we will read it together to have even more connection. One of the other most important pieces of any positive relationship is appreciation. Never take anything for granted. Put out the positivity that you would like from your partner. The positive energy builds upon itself again and again. 

Here’s to happy, positive and passionate relationships. 

Joanie